You and Tequila Make Me Crazy!

You and Tequila Make Me Crazy!

tequilaDISCLAIMER! This post is for grownups! There’s some bad words I think. 😉

Don’t ya just LOVE Facebook! Yes, I am being factitious! I swear some days I love it (like my birthdays;P) and other days I think to myself, “Really, are you THAT braggadocios?! What the hell is wrong with some people!!” Lol! But for the most part Facebook and I have a good relationship. I am going to blame Facebook for my mayhem on Friday though!

On Friday I was looking at a bunch of pics my peeps were posting of them enjoying these amazing margaritas in honor of National Margarita Day! MY MOUTH WAS WATERING ALL DAY!! I even teased a friend who was at a health spa in California (getting her butt handed to her and was sipping some sort of grass out of a straw in all kinds of pain) to screw all that and go find the nearest bar and get drunk! I couldn’t wait to get home and get started on concocting my own! But before that, I had to hit our local liquor store!! I decide to go with my husband in the afternoon to run errands, and talk him to celebrating National Margarita Day with me!

Now, for those of you who know my husband, get up off the floor and stop laughing. For those of you who don’t know Uncle Taco, Grandpa Shepard, or Rabbit, as I call him, he is not a drinker. We all take bets behind his back at events on how many sips of one beer (if any) he is going to drink. It’s just not his thing. No big deal, he just says if he is gonna drink he is gonna DRINK and that is only every once in a while. So, when I suggested going to Bottle and Bag and making homemade margaritas with dinner that night, he looked at me like I had 9 heads! He reminded me how much he hates tequila and of course I fired back with a reminder that he HATES everything that has alcohol in it!

(Oh wait, he is a Disaronno fan!)

I worked my charm and we headed over. Of course, I head straight for Paton Sliver Tequila and you would have thought I grew 9 more heads (see he’s not a cheap bastard unless he thinks it’s stupid). I try to plead my case and no dice, I cave and we end up with an alternative…El Espolon Tequila Blanco. JR says, “I hear this is good.” I just want to know where the world he is sitting around that people are having discussions of which tequila is good that he is involved in! He liked the dang art work! And that it made of 100% Blue Agave! Whatever!

I am just thinking to myself, “As long as it is not any of the other crap on the shelf and he is entertaining the thought of indulging into this with me, we will get the Cool Art Tequila for Rabbit!”.

Next stop is the grocery store. I realize as we are in the parking lot, that our blender broke a while back and we will need one of those too (yes, I know, it is odd that I haven’t replaced it, but I haven’t needed it. I’m not on a juicing kick, or a health shake kick and it’s not summer yet when I need to blend things so it wasn’t’ important). I wish you could have seen his face when I told him we now need a blender and not just the ingredients!! I almost peed my pants!

Remember what I said about him not being a cheap bastard? I LIED!!!

The sad thing is, is the dad gum blender he got at the grocery store, was cheaper than a good margarita at a nice restaurant!

Finally after a long afternoon of errands with Grandpa Shepard we get home and I break into all the goodies to quench my thirst and toast this special day! The recipe I followed it is: fill blender with ice, pour one frozen can of limeade in to blender, 6 ounces of tequila, 2 ounces of triple sec and blend I get out my pretty margarita glasses put a nice salt rim on them and serve ‘em up! Rabbit takes his first sip and his whole body does that shiver thing!!! I laughed and asked, “Is it bad?” He said, “No, I just hate tequila, but I’ll drink it.” Next think I know he is really drinking it! It was a BIG glass too! He drank it the whole time he cooked.

We sat down to eat and I wasn’t even a ¼ into mine and he was done! I asked if he wanted another one and he quickly replied with his Cheshire Cat Grin, “NO! I think I am going cross eyed! And I think I have been gut shot!” I told him to shut and have another one. He wouldn’t. He said, “I really can’t, Krista. My stomach hurts.” Of course I teased him and called him a light weight and finished mine and proceeded to pour myself another.

As the night went on we did our routines but I was feeling spunky! I got the house all cleaned, JR got the boys to bed and I decided to shower. Before I showered I decided to pour myself a LITTLE more inspiration. All my senses were WAY ENHANCED!!! When I went into our bedroom, JR had the TV so loud I had to yell so he could hear me!!! I wanted him to know I was getting in the shower and he laughed and told me to stop drinking that **it ‘cause it make me mean!

“No it doesn’t you are just deaf!”, I said. AND then I remember- HE IS RIGHT!!! It makes me mean as a junk yard dog!!! Why was I drinking a whole pitcher of this crap!?

In college I was know as a bit of a scrapper. I didn’t go looking for trouble but I sure didn’t let tootie girls cut into my dances on the floor or get away with being mouthy (I went to a small rodeo college for the first couple of years if that helps explain anything and you would have thought I never stepped foot into a church either!). Later on in life I learned that I am bigger than that but back then, I DIDN’T CARE! The bars would give us girls free shots of tequila and the worst fight I was ever in included tequila, a stupid girl calling my friend some not nice name for no reason at all (haha) and me throwing a huge set of keys at her face, doing a Dukes of Hazard slide across the hood of a truck and taking her out.

I have never done tequila shots since.

And since we are on the subject of me not drinking tequila any more I have decided that Rebecca Creek and I are not friends either! She left me up **it Creek without a paddle last weekend!!! I told my girlfriends, who I went to this charity ball with, “The next time I have drank so much that I brake out

my air guitar on the dance floor and do a Don’t Stop Believing solo in my evening gown, you need to put my rear in the car, get me some coffee and send me home!”

OMG!! That is the WORST hangover I have ever had! I am not a big drinker but I grew a pair of cajones that night and followed my friend PJ’s suit, tipped the waitress to serve me in a man’s glass instead of some puny martini glass and well…you can imagine the rest. I got home that night and Rabbit said I was not very nice. I told him, in not so many nice words, that the Valentines he gave me BLOWS *ss!!! Then I fell asleep! Poor Guy!

Now, what he gave me really did blow *ss, but I didn’t mean to tell him! But, that is a story for another day!

So, when Rabbit reminded me that “Tequila Make You Crazy”, I make the quality decision to move onto water. I figure showering in it and drinking it at the same time is a great idea!

I am feeling good! I have stopped drinking at the PERFECT time. I’ve got Moves Like Jagger playing in my head, I was shaving things God did not intend 40 year old women to shave (thank you to my friend, you know who you are, for planting this little thought in my head, I will be doing a Dukes of Hazard slide across my hood to take you out the next time I see you!) and all I want to do now is scoot my *ss across my rug like my dog to stop the itching)!!! I swear I thought I was Adam Levine in the female version that night though and for a while it was a GREAT idea!

Have you ever heard “Payback is Hell?” My mama taught me that saying early on in life, and here is where my Backpew Barbee comes out…I learned this in Sunday School too – what goes around comes around! All that teasing I did to Rabbit punches me right in the gut about 2 AM. I had to wake him up and tell him, “I think I am going cross eyed. I think I have been gut shot! I am in so much pain! I have been awake for almost an hour! I don’t know what to do! Was that meat you cooked good? Are you sick?”

See, apparently every time I get drunk I claim I have food poisoning! JR thinks this is funny. In his sober state he goes to the medicine cabinet and pulls out the pink stuff and brings me 2 tablespoons and sweetly tells me with his Cheshire Cat grin, “No, Krista, the meat was fine, you have do not have food poisoning, it was the tequila.” Another 30 minutes of rolling around in the fetal position and telling God how sorry I was and I promise to be better, and telling Uncle Taco how sorry I was, the pain finally subsided.

Waking up the next morning I came to the realization that Gin is my Friend now and then. Tequila (and for that matter Rebecca Creek) Make Me Crazy and so I will stick to what makes me act like a Saint instead of a Heathen! When it all comes down to it though, if you can’t laugh at yourself, compete with your friends on Facebook and keep it fresh at home then what’s the point?

Have a great week and don’t forget to MOVE LIKE JAGGER!